I was with Elliot for just over 4 years. The first couple years were amazing. We moved in together after 18 months. My parents weren’t thrilled, but hey, it’s the 21st century. We had the same taste in everything, both binged the same shows, loved trying local restaurants, and could talk for hours about random stuff. He’d surprise me with little things—coffee waiting on the nightstand when I woke up, sending me Tik toks that reminded him of me during the workday—just normal couple stuff that made me feel like I’d finally found my person, you know?

When he proposed on our third anniversary, I was beyond excited. Just a quiet moment at the lake where we had our first date. The ring wasn’t huge, which was fine, but it was perfect. I posted the obligatory ring pick on Instagram, called my mom crying, and immediately started planning our wedding for the following summer.

But something shifted about 6 months after we got engaged. It was subtle at first, little comments about my appearance that weren’t exactly compliments. He started saying things about how—

“That dress would look better if I toned up more,”

or—

“Maybe I should try a different hairstyle, something more sophisticated.”

I’d laugh at off, but these comments started coming more frequently. Then it expanded beyond my appearance. He started mentioning how I should be more ambitious. He’d questioned things I said in front of his friends, making me feel stupid when I didn’t know something he thought was obvious. He even started making comments about my family being too simple and how I needed to elevate myself if I was going to be his wife.

I wish I could say I immediately stood up for myself, but I didn’t. In instead, I started believing him. I changed my hair, bought new clothes, started working longer hours. I even took online courses because he said I needed to be more cultured. Looking back, it’s embarrassing how much I tried to change for him, but when you love someone, sometimes you don’t see how toxic things have become until you’re drowning in it.

The breaking point came 3 months before our wedding. We were talking about final details when he made a comment about my dress, which he hadn’t seen. I’m traditional that way. He said his mom was worried I’d choose something expected rather than classy enough. When I asked what that meant, he just Unleashed. He went on this rant about how he’d been settling and was starting to realize I wasn’t wife material for someone like him. He said his family had concerns about me being able to represent him properly in Social Circles.

Then came the words I’ll never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said—

“I wasn’t worthy of being his wife,”

and he thought he could find someone better.

I just sat there completely stunned. Four years together and that’s what he thought of me? That I wasn’t worthy? Who even says that to someone they supposedly love? I didn’t cry. I didn’t scream. I just laughed. It wasn’t intentional, it just bubbled up from somewhere deep inside me. The absurdity of it all hit me at once. This man who I’d been trying so hard to please for months was telling me I wasn’t good enough, when the reality was he wasn’t worthy of me.

My laugh obviously wasn’t the reaction he expected. He looked confused, then angry, demanding to know—

“What was so funny?”

I just shook my head and told him he was right. We shouldn’t get married, but not because I wasn’t worthy, because I deserved better than someone who made me feel like I was never enough. I grabbed my purse, walked out of our apartment, and went straight to my best friend Monica’s place.

The tears came later that night. 4 years is a long time to invest in someone, and realizing it was over Hit me hard, but underneath the sadness was this weird sense of relief, like I’d been carrying this heavy backpack and someone had finally taken it off.

Elliot called and texted constantly over the next few days. At first angry, calling me dramatic and saying I was overreacting, then apologetic, saying he didn’t mean it and was just stressed about the wedding. Finally condescending again, telling me I was making a huge mistake and would regret walking away from him.

I stayed with Monica for 2 weeks while figuring out next steps. Canceling the wedding was a nightmare—PSA wedding insurance is worth every penny y’all—but my friends were amazing. They helped contact vendors, return gifts, and break the news to guests. My parents were supportive too, though I could tell my mom was worried about what people would think. Small town gossip is brutal.

The hardest part was going back to get my things. I deliberately went when I knew he’d be at work, but he showed up halfway through my packing. He switched between begging me to reconsider and coldly telling me I was making the biggest mistake of my life. He actually said—

“Good luck finding someone else at your age,”

as if 29 is ancient LOL.

What struck me most was how he seemed more concerned about appearances than losing me. He kept saying things like—

“Everyone’s going to be talking about this,”

and—

“My family has already told everyone about the wedding.”

Not once did he say he loved me or would miss me. That’s when I knew for sure I was making the right choice.

I found a small apartment across town and threw myself into making it my own space. It was the first time I’d lived completely alone, and honestly it was freeing. I could decorate however I wanted, watch whatever shows I liked without commentary, and just exist without being evaluated.

The first month was rough. I’d wake up reaching for him or think of something I wanted to tell him before remembering we weren’t together anymore. But slowly I started rediscovering parts of myself that had gotten lost in our relationship. I picked up Hobbies I’d abandoned because he found them childish. I reconnected with friends i’ drifted away from because he didn’t click with them.

About 6 weeks after the breakup, I heard through mutual friends that Elliot was telling telling people I’d had some kind of mental breakdown and that’s why I ended things. Classic Elliott rewriting history to protect his ego. I considered setting the record straight, but realized it didn’t matter what people thought. The people who mattered knew the truth.

What surprised me most was how many messages I got from Friends checking on me and offering support. Several people confided that they’d noticed how Elliot spoke to me and had been concerned. One of his cousins even reached out to say she was proud of me for walking away. That validation helped on days when I second guessed my decision.

Through all this, Elliot’s texts became less frequent but more manipulative. He’d send things like—

“Just saw your favorite movie is playing at the theater,”

or—

“Remember that restaurant we always wanted to try finally went there today.”

Never an apology. Just weird breadcrumbs like he was trying to remind me of what I was missing. I didn’t respond to any of them.

It’s been 3 months now since that night, and I can honestly say I’m doing better than expected. My apartment feels like home. I’ve been doing better at work. Turns out I am ambitious when I’m not being told my job isn’t good enough. I’ve even started dating again, nothing serious, just coffee meetups to remind myself there are decent men out there.

I still have moments where I miss what we had. 4 years is a long time and not all of it was bad. But then I remember his face when he told me I wasn’t worthy, and I know I made the right choice. So that’s where I am now: single at 29, starting over, and surprisingly okay with it. I don’t know what’s next, but for the first time in a long time, I’m excited to find out.

First update: Hey Reddit, it’s been about 8 months since my original post, and wow, so much has happened that I felt like I needed to update y’all. First, thank you for all the supportive comments. I read every single one, even if I couldn’t respond to them all. You guys really helped me during a really tough time.

So where to begin? I guess I’ll start with Elliot. About a month after my last post, I heard through our mutual friends that he was seeing someone new. Her name is Daisy, and apparently she’s everything I’m not: comes from money, has some fancy job in the city, commutes about an hour each way, and according to Monica who ran into them, dresses like she walked out of a magazine.

Initially this news hit me harder than I wanted to admit. Even though I knew he wasn’t right for me, there’s something uniquely painful about seeing how quickly someone can replace you after 4 years together. I had a bit of a setback when I first heard about them, spent a weekend feeling sorry for myself, scrolling through old photos and wondering if maybe I should have tried harder to be what he wanted. But then I remembered why we broke up in the first place, that “you’re not worthy” comment that showed exactly what he thought of me. No amount of changing myself should be about making yourself worthy of someone else’s love. Either they love you for who you are or they don’t deserve you. That’s something my therapist helped me realize. Yes, I started therapy after the breakup, and it’s been amazing.

Anyway anyway, I forced myself to get out of my apartment that Monday and met up with Monica for dinner. She mentioned that her brother was having a birthday gathering that weekend and practically begged me to come. After some persuasion and maybe a glass or two of wine lol, I agreed to go, and read it, that’s where I met Wyatt. He’s Monica’s brother’s best friend from college and was in town for the birthday.

We ended up talking most of the night, first in a group setting and then somehow we found ourselves sitting on the porch swing having this deep conversation about everything from our favorite podcasts to our biggest fears. There was no pressure, no awkward flirting, just this easy connection that I hadn’t felt in maybe ever.

I wasn’t looking to jump into another relationship. Honestly I was enjoying my Independence and still working through the Elliott breakup, but Wyatt and I exchanged numbers and he texted the next day asking if I’d want to grab coffee before he headed back home. He lives about 40 minutes away in the next town over. That coffee turned into lunch, which turned into a walk in the park, which turned into dinner. We spent the entire day together and it felt so easy. He asked thoughtful questions and actually listened to my answers. He talked about his family with this genuine passion, and not once did he make any comment about my appearance, my job, or my potential. He seemed interested in who I actually am, not who I could be.

We started dating long distance, if you can call 40 minutes long distance LOL. He’d come to my town some weekends, I’d go to his others. We had our fair share of awkward early relationship moments, like when his Roomba got stuck under the couch during our third date and started making this Unholy screeching noise right when we were having a serious conversation, or when I tried to cook him dinner and set off his smoke detector three separate times. But those moments just became things we laughed about rather than sources of tension.

About 3 months into dating Wyatt, I ran into Elliot and Daisy at Target. I’d been dreading this moment, imagining I’d feel jealous or inadequate, but when I saw them the weirdest thing happened: I felt nothing. No jealousy, no anger, not even awkwardness. Just this calm recognition that that part of my life was over. We exchanged brief hells, and I noticed Elliot looking surprised at how comfortable I seemed. Daisy was polite but clearly uncomfortable. The whole interaction lasted maybe 30 seconds, but it felt like a huge personal Victory.

Later that week I got my first text from Elliot in months. It was—

“It was good to see you you look well would love to catch up sometime as friends.”

I showed it to Wyatt, who just raised his eyebrows and said—

“What do you want to do about it?”

Not telling me how to respond, not getting jealous, just supporting whatever I decided. I chose not to respond to Elliot. Some doors are better left closed.

As for Wyatt and me, things progressed naturally but not too slowly. After 6 months of dating, he suggested I move in with him since I was spending most week at his place anyway. His house is older but has so much character, and he’d been renovating it himself room by room. The idea of leaving my little apartment was scary. It had been my Safe Haven after the breakup, but it also felt right.

Moving in together was an adjustment, isn’t it always. We had to figure out where all my stuff would go in a house that was already fully furnished. We had different ideas about temperature settings. I’m always cold, he’s always hot. He leaves his shoes in the middle of the hallway. I leave cabinets open after taking something out. But instead of these differences causing friction like they did with Elliot, they just seem to balance us out.

Through Monica, who remains an excellent source of small town intelligence, I heard that Elliot and Daisy were getting serious. Apparently he took her to meet his parents, which was something he and I didn’t do until almost 2 years into our relationship. I was surprised by how little this bothered me. If anything, I felt a little sorry for Daisy, wondering if she was experiencing the same subtle put Downs that had eroded my self-esteem.

About a month after I moved in with Wyatt, the text from Elliot started again. Nothing inappropriate exactly, just pers: how have you been, heard you moved, hope all is well, remember that band we saw together they’re coming back to town. Each time I either didn’t respond or kept my replies brief and neutral. I didn’t tell Wyatt about every message because they seemed so insignificant, but I didn’t hide them either.

Then came the day Elliot called instead of texting. I was cooking dinner with Wyatt when my phone rang and I could see it was him. I showed Wyatt the screen, feeling suddenly anxious.

“You can answer if you want,” he said, giving me space to make my own decision.

I declined the call, but Elliot left a voicemail asking if we could meet up because he had some things he wanted to say in person. After discussing it with Wyatt, I decided to text Elliot back saying I was happy in my current relationship and didn’t think meeting up was a good idea. His response came quickly—

“I understand I just wanted to apologize properly for how things ended I said things I didn’t mean.”

Too little too late, but at least it was something. I thanked him for the apology and left it at that.

Life went on. Wyatt and I settled into a routine that never felt R. We explored new restaurants, took weekend trips, had Game Nights With Friends. We talked about future plans casually, nothing pressured, just possibilities. And then 6 months after I moved in, Wyatt proposed. It wasn’t a grand gesture. We were having a picnic at the lake, not the same one where Elliot proposed thankfully, and he simply said he couldn’t imagine his life without me. The ring was perfect, a vintage Sapphire that had belonged to his grandmother. I cried, laughed, and said yes without hesitation.

That evening, as we celebrated with champagne on our porch, my phone lit up with a text from Elliot—

“Heard about your engagement didn’t realize things were that serious hope you’re not rushing into anything you’ll regret.”

I showed Wyatt, who just shook his head and said—

“Some people never change do they.”

We decided the best response was no response, and I blocked Elliot’s number. That night, whatever weird game he was playing, I was done being a part of it.

The next day we shared the news on Facebook, because it’s not official until it’s Facebook official right lol. The outpouring of love from friends and family was overwhelming in the best way. Among the comments was one from Monica that made me laugh—

“From not worthy to worthy of the best man I know in less than a year that’s what I call an upgrade.”

I should probably have been embarrassed that she referenced my breakup so publicly, but honestly it felt like a perfect summary of my journey.

We set our wedding date for 6 months out. Nothing extravagant, just a small ceremony with the people who matter most to us. That’s next month now, and I’m feeling nothing but excitement. No anxiety, no second thoughts, just certainty that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Oh, and the cherry on top of all this? Through the grape vine—small towns, I swear, nothing stays private—I heard that Daisy broke up with Elliot last week. Apparently she reconnected with an old flame and realized she had settled for Elliott. The irony isn’t lost on me.

So that’s my update. From being told I wasn’t worthy to finding someone who makes me feel valued every single day. Sometimes the worst endings lead to the best Beginnings, right? I’ll update again after the wedding if you guys are interested. Thanks again for all your support on my original post. It truly helped me through one of the toughest periods of my life.

Second update: Hey Reddit, it’s been a while since my last update, almost 6 months, and I’m back with more tea to spill. Life has been an absolute Whirlwind, and honestly I wasn’t planning on posting again, but the latest developments are too wild not to share. So where did I leave off? Right, Wyatt and I were engaged and we’d set our wedding date.

Wedding planning was so different this time around. With Elliot, everything was about impressing his family and friends. With Wyatt, we just focused on what would make us happy: small ceremony, close friends and family, nothing extravagant, but everything meaningful. No debates about whether the napkins were the right shade of blue or if my dress was sophisticated enough. GH, still can’t believe I put up with that.

About 2 months before our wedding, Monica dropped the biggest bombshell. Remember Daisy, Elliot’s perfect girlfriend who was everything I wasn’t? Well, apparently she’d been spending time with Monica’s brother Barry while commuting to the city for work. They started as train buddies, then coffee friends, and then more than friends. She broke things off with Elliot rather suddenly, and he was apparently devastated. I wish I could say I felt bad for him, but karma comes for us all eventually. Loel. According to Monica, he was telling everyone who would listen that Daisy had blindsided him and that he didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. Sound familiar?

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I started getting more texts from Elliot. I’d blocked his number after my engagement, but he started messaging me on Instagram. Just casual stuff at first, congratulating me on my engagement again, asking how wedding plans were going. I ignored most of them, but occasionally sent brief polite responses. Then the messages got more personal—

“I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately and I realize now I made a huge mistake.”

I showed Wyatt everything, and he just shook his head.

The week before our wedding, the messages increased—

“Can we talk just for closure I’d like to apologize in person for how I treated you.”

“Are you sure you’re making the right decision.”

That last one got me. The audacity of this man to question my decision when he was the one who said I wasn’t worthy of being his wife. I stopped responding completely.

Our wedding day was perfect in all the imperfect ways that make something real. It rained in the morning, supposedly good luck. My veil got caught on a rose bush during photos, and Wyatt’s nephew announced he had to pee right in the middle of our vows, but none of that mattered. We were surrounded by people, people who genuinely loved us for who we are, not who they wanted us to be.

And yes, Elliot tried calling me three times during the wedding. My maid of honor Monica, of course, had my phone and just silenced it. When she told me later, we both laughed. Imagine thinking your ex would answer your call on her wedding day.

We honeymooned in a little Beachside town about 4 hours away. Just a cute Airbnb with an ocean view. We spent our days exploring local shops, eating too much seafood, and just enjoying being together without wedding stress. It was the most relaxed I’d felt in years.

When we got home, I had 17, yes 177 missed calls from Elliot, plus a string of Instagram messages that started with—

“I need to talk to you,”

and progressed to—

“Please don’t ignore me,”

and finally—

“I made a huge mistake letting you go.”

I showed Wyatt, who looked concerned rather than jealous.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” he offered. Maybe he’d finally get the message.

I hesitated, then nodded.

The opportunity came sooner than expected. We were unpacking from our honeymoon when my phone rang. Elliot again. Without missing a beat, Wyatt picked it up and answered cheerfully—

“Hello Ruby’s phone.”

There was a long pause, then Elliot asked if Ruby was available. Wyatt, cool as could be, said—

“She’s a bit busy unpacking from our honeymoon right now. This is her husband Wyatt. Is there something I can help you with?”

The silence on the other end was deafening. Finally Elliot stammered something about just wanting to congratulate us. Wyatt thanked him politely, told him we appreciated the thought, but that Ruby had moved on completely and would prefer not to keep in contact. He wasn’t rude or aggressive, just calm, direct, and firm.

After he hung up, I just stared at him in amazement. No drama, no jealousy, no insecurity, just setting a healthy boundary. That is what a real partner does.

Elliot hasn’t called since. He sent one last message—

“I understand now I’m sorry for everything you deserve to be happy.”

It felt like the final page of a chapter I’d been trying to close for a long time.

Looking back on everything that’s happened in the past year and a half, it’s strange to think how devastated I was when Elliot told me I wasn’t worthy of being his wife. At the time it felt like my world was ending. Now I realize it was actually beginning.

I’m not sharing this update to gloat or seek validation, though your supportive comments on my previous posts helped me through some really tough times. I’m sharing because I want anyone going through something similar to know that sometimes the worst moments of your life can lead you to exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Wyatt and I are talking about buying a house now, just somewhere to build our life together, somewhere that’s hours from the beginning, with no ghosts of relationships past. So that’s where I am now: happily married at 30, starting a whole new chapter, and finally understanding what it means to be truly valued by someone. I might post one more update down the road, but for now life is good. Better than good. It’s exactly as it should be. Thanks for reading Reddit. Your support has meant more than you know.

Last update: Hey Reddit, it’s been almost a year since my last update, and I genuinely thought I was done posting about this Saga, but life has a funny way of giving you closure when you least expect it, and I just had to share this Final Chapter with you all.

So Wyatt and I have been married for 15 months now. After months of searching, we finally found our first house together about 4 months ago. A three-bedroom ranch style home built in the ’90s with some interesting wallpaper choices and a kitchen that desperately needed updating, but it has a big backyard for our future dog. Still debating between a golden retriever or a rescue mut, and it’s ours.

Home ownership has been a wild ride so far. The day after we moved in, the dishwasher decided to flood the kitchen floor. 2 weeks later, we discovered a family of squirrels had been living in the attic, and don’t even get me started on the bathroom sink that randomly gurgles in the middle of the night. But honestly, working through these little disasters together has been strangely fun. Wyatt and I make a good team. He’s better at the heavy lifting. I’m better at organizing the chaos.

After getting mostly settled, we decided to host a housewarming party. Just a casual Saturday afternoon gathering with about 20 friends and family members. I spent days cleaning every corner, arranging snack platters, and making sure our new place looked presentable despite the half-finished painting project in the hallway.

The party was going great. Monica brought her famous buffalo chicken dip. Wyatt’s Brothers helped set up the new patio furniture, and everyone was mingling comfortably between the living room and backyard. I was in the kitchen refilling the ice when Monica came in with this weird look on her face. She told me that Elliot was outside. Yes, that Elliot. My ex. Who wasn’t in any way invited to our housewarming party.

Apparently he’d shown up completely unannounced, carrying a bottle of wine and looking slightly disheveled. Monica had intercepted him in the driveway and was trying to figure out how to tell me without causing a scene. My first reaction was annoyance. This was our day, in our new home, the fact that he thought he could just show up after everything, uh.

But then I took a deep breath and realized I wasn’t even nervous about seeing him. That knot in my stomach that used to appear whenever I thought about running into him, completely gone. I told Monica to let him in. It seemed easier than creating Drama by turning him away. And went to find Wyatt, who was showing his dad the garage storage system he’d installed.

When I explained the situation, Wyatt just raised his eyebrows and asked what I wanted to do. Again, no jealousy, no territorial nonsense, just support. Have I mentioned how much I love this man? We decided to greet Elliot together, keeping things civil but not overly friendly.

When we walked outside, he was standing awkwardly by the snack table, looking out of place. He’d clearly had a few drinks before arriving, not sloppy drunk, but definitely loosened up. He handed me the wine bottle, which ironically was the exact same kind he used to criticize me for buying because it wasn’t sophisticated enough.

The conversation started painfully polite. He complimented the house, asked standard questions about the neighborhood, mentioned the weather, all while giving Wyatt these weird side glances. I could feel the tension building, but kept things moving along, introducing him to people as an old friend, which felt generous. Seemed simpler than ex fiance who told me I wasn’t worthy of him.

Things took a turn when one of Wyatt’s cousins innocently mentioned how happy Wyatt and I seemed and how perfect we were for each other. Elliot mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like—

“She wouldn’t be here without me.”

When I asked him to repeat himself, the floodgates opened. He launched into this bizarre speech about how he had prepared me for Wyatt, how his criticisms had motivated me to improve myself, and how I should actually be grateful for our breakup because it led me to where I am now. I was too stunned to respond immediately.

But Wyatt calmly stepped in. No raised voice, no Macho confrontation. He simply said that while he was certainly grateful that I was in his life, my personal growth had nothing to do with being torn down by someone else. He added that we’d prefer to focus on celebrating our new home today, and maybe this wasn’t the best time for this conversation.

Elliot didn’t take the hint. Instead, he turned to me and asked if I ever thought about what could have been if he hadn’t let me go, his words not mine, as if he didn’t tell me I wasn’t worthy. The way he said it, like he was doing me a favor by considering taking me back, instantly transported me back to that night when he’d broken my heart and my spirit in one Fell Swoop.

I told him, as gently but firmly as I could, that I never think about what could have been because I’m too busy being grateful for what is. That breaking up was the best thing that could have happened to both of us, and that worthy isn’t something someone else gets to decide for you. It’s something you realize about yourself.

The look on his face was complicated. Surprise, confusion, maybe even a flash of regret. For a moment I thought he might actually understand what I was saying, but then he looked around at our friends, our home, our life, and something shifted in his expression. He muttered something about how i’ changed, like that was a bad thing, and that I didn’t used to be this cold.

Before I could respond, Monica stepped in with perfect timing. She mentioned that she’d run into Daisy and bar last weekend at the farmers market. Apparently they’re expecting their first baby in the summer and just bought a house across town. She showed us all a picture on her phone and they looked genuinely happy.

Watching Elliot’s face as he processed this information was like watching someone solve a difficult math problem. He seemed genuinely shocked that Daisy had moved on so completely. When Monica casually mentioned that Daisy had told her the relationship with Elliot had been a learning experience, ouch, I thought he might actually explode.

Instead, he drained his drink, mumbled something about having another commitment, and headed for the door. Wyatt, ever the gentleman, walked him out while I stayed behind with Monica, both of us trying not to make eye contact until he was gone to avoid bursting into inappropriate laughter.

When Wyatt came back, he just shook his head and said Elliot had asked him—

“Man to man an if I was always this stubborn.”

Wyatt told him he preferred the term self assured, and suggested Elliot taking Uber home since he’d clearly been drinking.

The party continued without further drama, though I noticed a few curious glances and definitely heard some whispered conversations. Small town life. This will probably be local gossip for at least 3 weeks LOL.

The next morning, I woke up to a text from Elliott—

“I’m sorry for yesterday I didn’t mean to cause a scene I hope you’re happy.”

Simple, a bit ambiguous, but probably the closest thing to closure I’ll ever get from him. I didn’t respond. Some conversations are better left- ended.

So that’s it, Reddit. Life isn’t perfect, of course. Our roof needs replacing sooner than we thought. We argue about whose turn it is to take out the trash. I still sometimes struggle with the Echoes of insecurity that Elliot planted, but through it all I’ve learned that worthiness isn’t something you earn through changing yourself to please someone else. It’s something you recognize when you’re finally with people who never questioned it in the first place.

Your support, advice, and kind words helped me through some of my darkest days. I won’t be posting any more upat for real this time, but I’ll be here in the comments if anyone has questions.